Hard Working Traditional Values With A Dash of Fun

Hard Working Traditional Values With A Dash of Fun

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Unwanted Booze Force-Delivered to My Home

UPDATED 5/27/2016

I was working on my blog last Saturday when the doorbell rang and I found the mailman bringing an unexpected delivery.

¨Here is the liquor and cigarettes for your house,¨ he said, pushing past me with a dolly loaded with boxes of vodka, brandy, whiskey, and cartons of cigarettes.

¨Excuse me, I did not order any of this stuff," I said. ¨You can take this all back out.¨

¨I'm sorry, I can't do that,¨ the mailman said, unloading the dolly and heading back to the front door.

¨There's been a big mistake,¨ I said. ¨I don't drink and I don't smoke. I didn't order this and I'm not paying for it. Take it out.¨

The mailman smiled, but made no attempt to remove the boxes. ¨If you don't drink or smoke, you don't have to pay for any of this stuff. You only pay for what you use. As you may know, the post office has been losing money on regular mail delivery, so we've teamed up with the alcohol and tobacco industries. They've been losing customers too, so this is a win-win-win-win. The post office makes money, drinkers and smokers get their drinks and smokes delivered to their home, the alcohol and tobacco industries pick up new customers, and if you don't use these products, you don't pay anything.¨

¨But I've got kids in the house,¨ I said. ¨I don't want this addictive stuff in my house where my kids can get to it.¨

¨Well then you better lock it up.¨

¨I don't have a cabinet to lock it up in and I don't want to pay to buy one. But that's besides the point. I want it out of here.¨

The mailman frowned. ¨Sir, I think you are being unreasonable. The only way to not have this delivered to your home is to cancel your mail service altogether.¨

Now I was getting mad. ¨You're telling me that unless I allow you to deliver unwanted liquor and cigarettes, you won't bring me mail anymore? This is nuts. Where did you get such a stupid idea and think you could get away with it?¨

¨It's not such a stupid idea,¨ the mailman said. ¨We are just using the same business model used by the cable and internet industries. If you order cable, you can't pick and choose which basic channels you get. Do you think MTV would have as many viewers if parents weren't forced to included it with their subscription? And if you could order internet without any porn sites, how would this major segment of the economy reach it's customers? That's just the way it is. Fair is fair. If questionable TV networks and websites are allowed into people's homes even if unwanted, it is only reasonable that questionable products be granted the same access. Goodbye and have a nice day.¨

I am not advocating censorship or curbing free speech, but I do believe that people should be able to keep out TV channels that are harmful to children (MTV's VMA Miley Cyrus fiasco?). We should be able to have access to the internet without worrying that our children will see porn. People are disgusted and all jump out of the pool when they see a piece of excrement, and rightly so. Shouldn't we react the same when we see garbage in the pool of entertainment?

Kudos to Utah state senator Todd Weiler for his plans to require people to opt in with their internet service provider if they want access to porn.

Please forward a link to this blog to your friends and family so more people will learn how to address this destructive situation.  It is issues like this that are perfect for social media. Do your part to eliminate unwanted access to harmful media.

Follow on Twitter - @fiddlingant

If you liked this post and want to encourage more readers, be sure to share it by selecting one of the share buttons below.

If you would like to get a notice of future posts, choose the Follow option at the bottom of this blog.  


  1. Delightful way to put a divisive issue. Thanks.

  2. This is a nice article but I wanna know about more on alcohol deliver like Alcohol Delivery London So Let me know which one is better for alcohol delivering.