Hard Working Traditional Values With A Dash of Fun

Hard Working Traditional Values With A Dash of Fun

Monday, April 29, 2013

Fiddlin' - Our Dear Mommy's Lot Is Not An Easy One

With Mother's Day fast approaching, here is another song for mothers from my collection.

OUR DEAR MOMMY'S LOT IS NOT AN EASY ONE Sing to the tune of "The Policeman's Song" from Gilbert & Sullivan's "Pirates of Penzance" CHILDREN:
When a mother's not engaged in her employment (her employment)
Or maturing her matriarchal little plans (little plans)
Her capacity for innocent enjoyment (-cent enjoyment)
Is just as great as any harried mom's (harried mom's)

Our feelings we with difficulty smother (-culty smother)
When matriarchal duty's to be done (to be done)
Ah, take one consideration with another (with another)
Our dear mommy's lot is not an easy one.

Ahhh
When matriarchal duty's to be done, to be done,
Our dear mommy's lot is not an easy one.

When the juvenile pubescent's not in torment (not in torment)
When the rug rat isn't covered all in grime (all in grime)
She's bound to cry aloud that all her nerves spent (all her nerves spent) 
And mutter that she finally past past her prime (past her prime)

When the moppet's finished jumping on his mother (on his mother)
She hates to find some leakage from his bum (from his bum)
Ah, take one consideration with another (with another)
Our dear mommy's lot is not an easy one.
Ahhh
When matriarchal duty's to be done, to be done,
Our dear mommy's lot is not an easy one.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Fiddlin' - Mom, My Eyes Are Fully Open

This song is more obscure than most, but it is incredibly fun. The original is Gilbert and Sullivan's My Eyes Are Fully Open from Ruddigore.

MOM, MY EYES ARE FULLY OPEN

HUSBAND
My eyes are fully open to my grateful situation --
I shall go at once to my dear wife and make her my oration,
I shall tell her I've discovered her outstanding common senses,
And I'm grateful that I benefit from any consequences.

Now I do not want to be accused of acting like a braggart,
But a husband may indulge a little pardonable swagger,
In a word or two of compliment, I'll tell her that I love her,
Plus I've got to say to her that she's a super-duper mother!

CHORUS
She's a super-duper mother, mother, mother, mother, mother --
She's a super-duper mother, mother, mother, mother, mother --
She's a super-duper mother!
She's a super-duper mother,mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother!

CHILD 1
If I were not a little mad and generally silly;
I should give you my advice upon a subject willy nilly
I should show you in a moment how to grapple with the question,
And you'd really be astonished at the force of my suggestion.

On the subject I shall tell you a most honorable lady,
Full of excellent suggestions and she makes the cutest babies!
Yet at present I'm afraid I am as mad as any other,
So I'll keep her to myself, for she's a super-duper mother!


CHORUS
She's a super-duper mother, mother, mother, mother, mother --
She's a super-duper mother, mother, mother, mother, mother --
She's a super-duper mother!
She's a super-duper mother,mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother!

CHILD 2
Well I have been so lucky as to have a splendid mother,
Who can talk to me as we are talking now to one another,
Who can give me good advice when she discovers I am erring,
(Which is just the very favour which on you I am conferring).

Her existence sure has made a rather interesting story,
And it's clear to all her family we think she is hunky dory.

This particularly rapid, unintelligible blubber,
Isn't generally heard, about my super-duper mother!

CHORUS
She's a super-duper mother, mother, mother, mother, mother --
She's a super-duper mother, mother, mother, mother, mother --

This particularly rapid, unintelligible blubber,
Isn't generally heard, about my super-duper mother!
This particularly rapid, unintelligible blubber,
Isn't generally heard, about my super-duper mother, mother,mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother, mother!


Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Fiddlin' - There is Nothin' Like a Mom

Here is another song to honor mom for Mothers Day.

THERE IS NOTHIN' LIKE A MOM
to the tune of "There is Nothin' Like a Dame" from Roger and Hammerstein's South Pacific

CHILDREN
She can lend a helping hand,
She can kiss a scraped up knee,
Feeds us yogurt and bananas,
She can swing us on a tree,
She plays dominoes and Scrabble,
And sings lots of dandy songs --

DAD
What have we got?

ALL
We got our mom!

CHILDREN
We get home schooling from home,
We read scriptures, we do plays,
We get speeches from our mother,
And there's chores to do each day,
We get diapers filled wit' guckies,
We get dizzy from the smell --

DAD
But who do we love?

ALL
You know darn well!

DAD
We have  someone to put on a clean white shirt for.
What we have is what there ain't no substitute for.

ALL
There is nothin' like a mom --
Nothin' in the world!
Ther is nothin' hereupon
That is anythin' like a mom.

CHILDREN
If we're restless, If we're blue,
If we're lonely and, in brief,
We feel every kind of feelin'
But the feelin' of relief.
We can go and talk with mommy
All because we're understood.

ALL
What do we feel?

CHILD #1
We feel darn good.

DAD
Lots of things in life are beautiful, but, brother --
There is one particular thing that is nothin' whatsoever
In any way, shape, or form like any other.

ALL
There is nothin' like a mom --
Nothin' in the world!
There is nothin' hereupon
That is anythin' like a mom
Nothin' else is bulit the same!
Nothin' in the world --

CHILD #2
Piles of kids are hanging on,
On the comfy lap of a mom.

DAD
There is absolutely nothin' ever wrong with our mom!

CHILDREN
So suppose a mom ain't rich,
Or completely free from flaws,
Or as faithful as a bird dog,
Or as kind as Santa Claus --
It's a waste of time to worry
Over things she may be not:

DAD
Be thankful for --

ALL
The mom we've got!
There is nothin' like a mom --
Nothin' in the world.
There is nothin' hereupon
That is anythin' like a mom.
That reads books like a mom
And nothin' cooks like a mom.
There are no hugs like a mom's
And nothin' snugs like a mom,
Nothin' acts like a mom
Or attracts like a mom.
There ain't a thing that's wrong with any kid here
That can't be cured by puttin' him near
A cuddly, womanly, female, feminine mom!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Fiddlin' - Our Mom (not Gaston)

With Mothers Day just a few weeks away, here is another song honoring moms.


OUR MOM

to the tune of Gaston, from Disney's Beauty and the Beast

CHILD

Gosh it disturbs me to see you, dear mom,
Looking so down in the dumps.
Ev'ry kid here'd love to hug you, dear mom,
Even when taking our lumps.
There's no mom in town as admired as you,
You're ev'ryone's favorite gal;
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you,
And so we present this chorale.

No one's strict as our mom.
No one's quick as our mom.
And our blackheads are frequently picked by our mom.
For there's no mom in town half as momly,
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Stan, Dick or Tomley,
And they'll tell you whose fam’ly they’d like to be on.

CHILD AND CHORUS

No one's nice like our mom,
Gives advice like our mom.

CHILD

No one guides and corrects as concise as our mom.

MOM

As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

CHILD AND CHORUS

My what a gal, that’s our mom!
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"

CHILD

Our mom is the best,
And the rest is all drips.

CHORUS

No one’s bright as our mom,
Breaks up fights like our mom.

CHILD

In a screaming match nobody frights like our mom!

CHORUS

For there's no one as loving and caring.

MOM

As you see I've got patience to spare.

CHILD

Not a bit of her's grumpy or erring.

MOM

That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's perfect I swear.

CHORUS

No one cheers like our mom,
Cleans my ears like our mom.

CHILD

In a shouting match nobody hears like our mom.

MOM

I'm especially good at commiserating!
Poor dear!

CHORUS
Ten cheers for our mom!

MOM
When I was a girl,
I raised hens, goats and pigs,
Ev'ry morning to help me learn work.
And now that I'm grown,
I raise rambunctious kids,
So pipe down or I'll go berserk!

CHORUS

Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a gal, that’s our mom!
No one cooks like our mom,
Reads us books like our mom.

CHILD

Then goes tromping around kicking butts like our mom!

MOM

I use Pint’rest in all of my decorating!

CHORUS

My what a gal, our mom!

Monday, April 15, 2013

Get Ready To Pull Your Hair Out - How Social Security Got Started

Here is another in my series of posts discussing FDR mistakes (See FDR - Flubbed Depression's Recovery and []).

As one would expect Burns and Ward, in their PBS documentary, highlight the creation of Social Security, one of the most consequential and far reaching laws created during the Roosevelt presidency. The program pointed out that getting the legislation passed required a lot of compromise, but did not give any of the details.

Here is what happened.  

In 1935 Democrat Missouri Senator Bennett Champ Clark proposed an amendment to the Social Security Act that would allow people to opt out if their employer at least matched the benefits offered by social security. The US Senate really liked this change to the proposed social security program. It would get retirement savings funded without needing any government interference, something government had never done in the history of the U.S.  They approved it 51-35. Meanwhile, the House passed the government monopoly version.

Roosevelt was upset and made it known that he would veto the Senate version. He did not want private competition to his program. When the bill went to the House-Senate conference committee to work out a compromise bill, they decided to drop the Clark amendment with the PROMISE to appoint a special joint legislative committee to study the Clark amendment and report back how to add it into the social security act. The next year, nothing happened; the study was never done.

Who wants to say ARGGHH! at this point?

This one failure doomed Social Security to become the tottering Ponzi scheme that it has become. The program only works because money collected from current workers is immediately paid out to retirees. And with fewer workers per retiree, the program will run out of money before today's young people retire. Considering that mutual funds over the second half of the 20th century averaged 10% return or better vs. 2% for social security, most retirees would have voted for a private retirement plan instead of social security.  

Those who defend Social Security are either under the misunderstanding that they are only getting back what they put in (when in truth it is money being paid in by current workers) or they approve of spreading the wealth by taking money from those who have it and giving it to those who do not. In the story of the Ant and the Grasshopper, these people think it is okay to take away from the Ant to help the Grasshopper.

People should be in charge of helping themselves and other people without involving the inefficiencies of government. It’s called being responsible and charitible. Society suffers when large segments of the population treat handouts from the government as entitlements.

So, as you can see, we ended up with the worst option of the two.


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Friday, April 12, 2013

Fiddlin' - I Am The Very Model Of Our Modern Homeschool Motherhood

Anyone acquainted with the work of Gilbert and Sullivan is quick to fall in love with the many clever lyrics. Perhaps there is no better example than I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major General from The Pirates of Penzance.

With Mothers Day just a month away, here is the song revised to honor homeschool moms.

I Am The Very Model Of Our Modern Homeschool Motherhood

by Don Milne

I am the very model of our modern homeschool motherhood;
I've information spiritual, temporal, and all that's good.
I know the great plays of the Bard, and I quote the verses theatrical,
From Henry Six to The Tempest, in order categorical.

I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical;
I understand equations both the simple and quadratical.
About a woman's pregnancy, I'm teaming with a lot to say,
With many cheerful fact about the reasons that she got that way.

Chorus:
With many cheerful fact about the reasons that she got that way.
With many cheerful fact about the reasons that she got that way.
With many cheerful fact about the reasons that she got, she got that way.

I'm very good at French cuisine. I know my child psychology,
And I can teach you violin in a quartet or symphony.
In short in matters spiritual, temporal and all that's good,
I am the very model of our modern homeshool motherhood.

Chorus:

In short in matters spiritual, temporal and all that's good,
She is the very model of our modern homeshool motherhood.

I know colonial history, JohnAdams and George Washington.
I teach a Constitution classs while playing the accordion.
I clean my home, and wash laundry while memorizing Heb'rew.
I garden, do aerobics, meet my husband for a rendezvous.

I read my children stories for the Gospels or from Genesis.
I take them on a field trip by the first of every month no less.
I sew my own desginer clothes. My kitchen is immaculate.
When in-laws come to visit, I serve crepe souffle de halibut!

Chorus:
When in-laws come to visit, she'll serve crepe souffle de halibut!
When in-laws come to visit, she'll serve crepe souffle de halibut!
When in-laws come to visit, she'll serve crepe souffle de hali-, halibut!

I teach a unit study course on each and every holiday;
I've organized my day so I can read the scriptures, think, and pray.

In short in matters spiritual, temporal and all that's good,
I am the very model of our modern homeshool motherhood.

Chorus:

In short in matters spiritual, temporal and all that's good,
She is the very model of our modern homeshool motherhood.

In fact when I know what is meant by "erudite" and "explicate,"
When I can tell the difference 'tween "diagram" and "conjugate,"
When such pursuits as bickering or self doubting I'm wary of,
And when I nurture my children by teaching them of God's great love.

When my kids trash the living room, I exercise my self-control,
And I know twenty different ways to transfigure a casserole.
In short when I have lived a life of homeschooling philosophy,
You'll say a better modern homeschool mom has never bettered me!

Chorus:
You'll say a better modern homeschool mom has never bettered she!
You'll say a better modern homeschool mom has never bettered she!
You'll say a better modern homeschool mom has never better, bettered she!

For my matriarchal knowledge, tho' I'm humbly unpretentious,
And tho' there's much I lack of yet in reaching total genius-ness,
But still in matters spiritual, temporal and all that's good,
I am the very model of our modern homeshool motherhood.

Chorus:

In short in matters spiritual, temporal and all that's good,
She is the very model of our modern homeshool motherhood.

 

Friday, April 5, 2013

Scientists Prove Atheists are God-Fearing

In case you missed it, I read today that scientists have proved Atheists to be God-fearing.  This finding is a result of experiments in secular Finland detailed in The International Journal for the Psychology of Religion.

Many conservatives are disheartened by the rise of the "Nones," those that tell pollsters that they do not claim any religious affiliation (none of the above). They now account for about 20% of the population.  It is the fastest growing demographic segment in the United States and a key reason why Barrack Obama won the election.  If this group was back in the 5% it was just 25 years ago, Mitt Romney would be president right now.

However, though it seems that more and more people are turning from God, there is still a part of them that still acknowledge that He exists.

The experiment done in Finland was a skin test measuring stress. Professed atheists were asked how they felt about statements such as "I dare God to drown my parents." If they don't believe in God, such statements should have no impact, but in fact the results showed the same stress reaction as believers.

Hmm. It appears there may be some truth to the saying, "There are no atheists in foxholes."