Hard Working Traditional Values With A Dash of Fun

Hard Working Traditional Values With A Dash of Fun

Thursday, June 26, 2014

The Little Red Hen for Liberals


If you grew up in a home with children books, you are most likely familiar with the story of the Little Red Hen. This industrious bird started off with some grains of wheat and ended up with a loaf a bread. She invited the other farm animals to help out with the work, but they all declined until it came to the part where the bread was ready to eat. They were all willing to join at this point, but the Little Red Hen did not share because the other animals did not help with the work.

Alas, it is a message for another age.

Is this how things are now? Of course not.

Here is the story of the Little Red Hen, updated for liberals

Once upon a time there was a Little Red Hen who found some cast-off wheat. She decided she would plant it, so in turn she asked Duck, Goose, Cat, and Pig if any of them would help her plant the wheat.

"Not I!" replied each in turn.

"Then I will plant it by myself," said the Little Red Hen.

"No you won't," said the Government.

"Why not? I found this cast-off seed that no one wanted." said the Little Red Hen.

"You are in violation of the Plant Variety Protection Act. You don't have permission to use that seed. You have to buy it from a company that owns the intellectual property rights. This seed is confiscated." The Government took the seed away.

So the second year Little Red Hen bought some government approved wheat and planted it. When the wheat was ready to harvest, the Little Red Hen asked Duck, Goose, Cat, and Pig if any of them would help her reap the wheat.

"Not I!" replied each in turn.

"Then I will reap it by myself," said the Little Red Hen.

"No you won't," said the Government.

"Why not?"

"Was your farm inspected for FDA compliance?" asked the Government.

"No," said the Little Red Hen.

"Then this wheat is confiscated," said the Government.

The third year she bought the government approved wheat and paid for the FDA inspection. She planted and harvested the wheat. It was time to take it to the mill to turn it to flour. The Little Red Hen asked Duck, Goose, Cat, and Pig if any of them would help her transport the wheat to the mill.

"Not I!" replied each in turn.

"Then I will carry it by myself," said the Little Red Hen.

"No you won't," said the Government.

"Why not?"

"Did you comply with the Food Safety Modernization Act rule on transportation of human and animal food?" asked the Government.

"No, I don't even know what that is," said the Little Red Hen.

"Then this wheat is confiscated," said the Government.

The fourth year the Little Red Hen bought the government approved wheat and paid for the FDA inspection and complied with the Food Safety Modernization Act rule on transportation of human and animal food. She planted, harvested, and transported the wheat to the mill. She brought it home to make the flour into dough. The Little Red Hen asked Duck, Goose, Cat, and Pig if any of them would help her make flour into dough.

"Not I!" replied each in turn.

"Then I will make the dough myself," said the Little Red Hen.

"No you won't," said the Government.

"Why not?" asked the Little Red Hen.

"Is your kitchen licensed for preparing food?" asked the Government.

"No," said the Little Red Hen.

"Then this flour is confiscated," said the Government.

The fifth year the Little Red Hen bought the government approved wheat and paid for the FDA inspection and complied with the Food Safety Modernization Act rule on transportation of human and animal food and obtained a license to prepare food in her kitchen. She did everything following the governmental regulations. It was time to bake the dough into bread. The Little Red Hen asked Duck, Goose, Cat, and Pig if any of them would help her bake the dough.

"Not I!" replied each in turn.

"Then I will bake it myself," said the Little Red Hen.

"No you won't," said the Government.

"Why not?" asked the Little Red Hen.

"Do you have approved labeling with required nutrition disclosures?" asked the Government.

"No," said the Little Red Hen.

"Then this dough is confiscated," said the Government.

The sixth year the Little Red Hen bought the government approved wheat and paid for the FDA inspection and complied with the Food Safety Modernization Act rule on transportation of human and animal food and obtained a license to prepare food in her kitchen and obtained approved labeling with required nutrition disclosures. Finally she had done everything in the government approved way. She baked the bread and it smelled delicious. It was time to eat the bread. The Little Red Hen asked Duck, Goose, Cat, and Pig if any of them would like to eat the bread.

"I will!" replied each in turn.

"No, I will eat it all myself," said the Little Red Hen.

"No you won't," said the Government, who proceeded to take half of the Little Red Hen's loaf to cover her taxes. The Government then gave bread to Duck, Goose, Cat, and Pig.

The seventh year the Little Red Hen did not go to all the trouble to make bread. Instead, she signed up for the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) and got her bread from the Government.

The End.


Interested in other Fiddling Ant fables and related posts?

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